seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
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