we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
