My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
