Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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