I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
