ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
