I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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