adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
