Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
