my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
