I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
