his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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