I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
