so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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