In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
