I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
