Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
