Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
