They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
