Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
