they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
