Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
