Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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