That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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