she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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