My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
