i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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