Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
