just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
