We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
