Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
