I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
My bed smells like the plague
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
