he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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