this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize