Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
