I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
