Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
