you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
