There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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