Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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