I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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