i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize