remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
