i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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