Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
