Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
