its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
