Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Panties = found
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