can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
