Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
