and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
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