I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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