I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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