dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
