Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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