Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
