why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
