I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I need to calm my uterus...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
