Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize