I want you more than these girls want KFC
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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